Author of The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis once said, "you can make anything by writing.” And that you can, Mr. Lewis. Unfortunately for my eyes, brain, and general well-being, Ernest Miller Hemingway must have not been in cahoots with Lewis. Hemingway is a minimalist, taking joy out of confusion. A literary schadenfreude, in my opinion.
As an enjoyer of literature, whales, and high-level thinking, I’ve had my eyes set on Herman Melville’s Moby Dick, for a while. If you’ve heard of this classic whale tale, you must also know how long the book is. I read once that if you wanted to take on the behemoth task of reading Moby Dick, it’d be wise to do a trial run with Hemingway’s Old Man and the Sea. Having read a few of Hemingway’s short stories, I already had established that I was not a fan of his. But, being the well-read person I am, I had to give him another go. So, during my weekend away at a tranquil seaside airbnb, I saw Old Man and the Sea peeking from the bookcase. I had decided that the setting was right, and then and there, my fate was decided for the weekend. I sat myself down and forced myself to get through the book. It was agony. Why would I read about this old man on a boat when I can read anything else? I had no idea. I had given Hemingway his last chance, and since then, we have been sworn enemies.
I will try my hardest to never read any more minimalist writing, and that includes you Raymond Carver. If Hemingway is your cup of tea, fine, but enjoy it away from me.